Tag Archives: change

Heart Thoughts

Heal Your Broken Heart has been available for a little over eighteen months and in that time I’ve heard many wonderful things about it. I always like it when I go out to give a talk or workshop and I meet new people who are working through the material. It’s fun to hear about how they learned about the book, but mainly I’m curious to know where they are in the work and also how the first two phases went for them.

Those of you who are familiar with the book know that while a lot happens in each phase, the first two phases launch the entire process in a particularly potent and effective way. Between Qamp1.1A’s 3 and 4, which help identify and begin to process all the emotions you’re experiencing, and writing the story of your relationship and breakup in Qamp1.1A 5, this initial work helps set up everything for the coming phases, including the different stages of releasing.

When I talk to people who are further into the book, they tend to share insights based on the theme of what they are discovering both in their patterns with love and the patterns that were in place in their relationship. When I meet someone who is at the beginning of the work, they usually tell me they’re amazed at how little they’ve understood about their true emotional state, and how challenging, moving, and important it was for them to write the story of their relationship.

Someone recently told me that he read the book from cover to cover before starting to work with the material. It seemed he wanted to know what he was getting into before making a commitment to do the exercises. It was a unique approach but it worked for him. Since his read-through he’s been working his way through the book and not surprisingly he’s having a much different experience than when he simply read the book. While there are many sections in the book that one can just read and benefit from, the full impact won’t be felt unless all the exercises are executed.

One of the many things I love about Heal Your Broken Heart is how exactingly personal the material becomes to each person. It’s this natural customization that makes the book work for so many people, even in healing hearts that have been broken through other circumstances than a lost love relationship.

Since the material covered in the book has been proven to work, if you are currently working through the book I urge you to keep going until you reach the end. It’s fine to take breaks here and there, in fact it’s not a bad idea, but then jump back in and keep going. While each piece of Heal Your Broken Heart is important to your healing, it is the combination of all the pieces working together that produces the biggest result. Stay with the work, you will be so happy you did.

Posted on by Michael Kane Posted in Book, Thoughts | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Take A Look At Change

We search for that magic wand, don’t we? We’d love to drop ten pounds in two weeks, have a million dollars show up in the mail, find the love of our life tomorrow, have our career be as brilliant as we think it should be, or fix our internal gyroscope and attain enlightenment say by the end of the month. Quick just seems so much better!

The reality is, real change takes time. The more we know about the change time factor the more likely we are to succeed. If you’re interested in succeeding, read on.

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Posted on by Michael Kane Posted in Essential Realignment, Outside The Box, Something to Think About | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Deadlines

Tax day may have come and gone, but it can sure bring up a lot for people: personal budgets, priorities, procrastination, money issues and fear. It can also highlight our love-hate relationship with deadlines. We know we generally need a deadline to finish certain tasks. Most of us never finished a term paper a week before it was due, two hours before maybe, but not much more than that. Hopefully we're doing better these days when it comes to getting things done, but all the same, we still need deadlines now and again.

Deadlines create action. They move us from procrastinating, hemming and hawing, bitching and distracting ourselves to DOING. And while the difference between not doing something and doing it can be as simple as taking one action (see posts in Monthly Intentions 2009, 2010), it's amazing how much time and energy we'll waist just to keep ourselves from taking that one action.

We'll say, "I'll get to it later," which can mean that once our life conditions are more favorable we'll get ourselves into gear. The very thing we desire to do that would make our life conditions better — write that book, go to Paris, start painting, study Chinese, launch our own business — is the thing we feel we can't do until our life conditions become more favorable. You see the built-in paradox here. We unsuspectingly construct a 'no action' zone by believing we're close to doing what we desire to do, all we need are one or two things to change, and once they have, we'll get going. We're waiting to feel better so we'll have confidence to make our 'change' even though making our 'change' is the very thing that will give us the confidence we're lacking. We resist change even though we believe we want it. What in the world is going on?

Here's something to consider. Your body strives for homeostasis; it likes what it's known. You exercise more and your appetite increases so you eat more thus keeping your body weight where it was: homeostasis. Your psyche can do a similar thing by, one way or the other, convincing you that change is not as good as the way things have been. Think of a friend who wants to quit smoking. Most attempts, perhaps all attempts, your friend makes to quit often have a prerequisite: that life first become less stressful for her then she'll be able to stop smoking. This mis-thinking is based on a belief that her smoking has a direct relationship to her stress level. Not true. She may smoke when she feels stressed, but she's also having a cigarette with her morning coffee, her wine in the evening, and at many other times during the day, regardless of the amount of stress she's feeling. But we all need a way to explain why we're not getting on with it, and we find language to describe our psychic homeostasis to do just that.

Of course your mind and body are not equal on this point. What might motivate you to do, or not do, anything, can have some dark underpinnings. With the body, not so much, although change, whether in your thinking and action department or in your body, can be equally challenging. It's helpful to know that in both cases — body and psyche — when you change what you're used to you'll keep doing the newer version once it's established. The old version will fall away, atrophying from non-use. The new and improved behavior becomes your new normal.

So set a deadline to take action. Then stick to it. Tomorrow is a much better deadline than next week. You can use a deadline to begin breaking an unwanted habit, but especially think of using it to do that one wonderful thing you keep not doing. Set the deadline, take the action, and in the process you'll reset your psyche's homeostasis and develop a new normal.

Posted on by Michael Kane Posted in Something to Think About | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment