Not everyone has the same reaction to formally writing the name of the person who broke their heart. For some of us it’s fairly easy to do, for others forming each letter of the name feels painful. No matter how it felt to you, that you completed the statement is what will allow you to continue healing.
The person who broke your heart may not have set out to do so, but that he or she did is an important truth to absorb. It can be easy to make excuses for why someone we love hurt us so badly, and there are often extenuating circumstances in relationships that contribute to their collapse. But while those circumstances might help explain why your ex ended up doing what he/she did, they don’t change the fact that your heart has been broken by the person you were in a relationship with.
As the book says, this is not about placing blame, but rather about stating a fact. When our heart has been broken the first thing that can fall away are the simplest of facts. We replace them with either fictional notions, wished for alternatives, or self-blame—none of which move us forward. And moving forward is what this entire process is about.